June Musings

Welcome back to my Monthly Musings series. A series in which I began back in October with great intentions, yet the very series, like so many of my great intentions that fell a little off track seeing as it’s six months later. However, I say this with a new found compassion toward myself. I am writing this from Miami where my husband + I are based for a couple of months while I receive a specific + progressive treatment for my health. I’m not ready to go into the details of this in depth yet but two treatments in, I am mind-blown by how I, for almost the past 30 years, was trying so desperately to exist with such high expectations of myself yet with little to no energy mentally, physically or spiritually to reach even a ‘normal’ state of being. It’s complicated + while I’ve shared a lot about my journey thus far in this life, I know that when I’m ready, I’ll continue to share in the hope it might help you or someone you love. However, for right now I’m just keeping focused.

The saying that the longest journey you’ll ever make is the one from your head to your heart feels so apt right now; a saying apt for almost every road in life. I’m having to be brave lately, brave with the solid intention of not so much ‘getting better’ but more maybe finding a new peace within that has been missing my whole life. Being brave to face into things, isn’t about not being afraid as yeah sure there’s fear but I’m finding that when you want something badly enough + reach points that touch on life or death, you’ll step into almost anything to find what works. Keeping doing what’s been done before brings no change. So here goes something new.

And hey beyond the philosophical, it’s my first time in Miami. I had a pre-conceived notion it might be a little tacky or sleazy if I’m honest but I am absolutely in love with the energy here. It’s warm, it’s sunny, the people are friendly, there are trees everywhere + we’re surrounded by the bay on one side the ocean on the other. The outdoorsy way of living in the warmth of the sun is something I’m realising more + more is actually one I love + can absolutely get behind. I usually love the cosiness of Winter along with the wardrobe the colder months require but the might be a new era of my life, the Summer loving one.

Until next time - maybe next month or maybe in six, who knows - I hope that whatever the road you find yourself on in this life you will choose to keep walking, or to crawl when walking feels too much.

October Musings

With a forward intention of beginning each month here on HAUTE so FABULOUS with an editors-style letter from me to you, a note on the theme of my thoughts, learnings, inspirations - a snapshot so to speak of each particular moment in time, I begin here today with my first monthly note in this Monthly Musings series. Thank you for being here, it is my wish that you find something that inspires you to feel less alone, something that - in whatever measure - enlivens your soul + evokes a sense of freedom to explore your own path more creatively invigorated. This is a place for me to learn + grow authentically, embracing all parts of me from the spiritually inclined to the Phoebe-Philo-launch-can't-come-fast-enough aspects of my being, in real time + where, most importantly, we can do that together.

I made it to my favourite reformer pilates class this morning + after a call with a potential new client, one whom I really hope it works out to work with as it just feels so Universally correct, I sit here writing this, cosy at home with the sound of raining pour heavily outside + my nice hot coffee (on tap) thanks to our new WILFA coffee maker which we are really loving. I might be one of a very tiny percentage of human beings alive who absolutely loves the fact that we are facing into what I consider to be the best time of year, the cosy promise of Autumn + Winter. I love this time of year + all that it represents; the assurance of restful hibernation + a nurturing safety blanket of intimate moments of home. The natural darkness or heaviness that comes with this seasonal change is something I find solace in while knowing, I guess, it will one day be brighter again. I find comfort too, perhaps, in the beginning + the end; the completion of things. Nature is confident in it’s inherently cyclical style of function + each season creates a trust with each rotation. Knowing nothing is forever is something I guess that lends itself to the ease with which we can deal with the shorter days + heavier mood of Winter. Also.. let me not forget a very serious truth too; that one little thing of the wardrobe - those who know me will know, I will take a winter coat over shorts ANY day of the year.

Something that happened me just this week was an experience I don’t know I’ve ever been even close to before. After a really positive work week where I met with new clients + continued on-going projects - both personal + professional, that dare I say.. I am incredibly proud of - I found myself, without an accustomed uncertainty that seems to permanently be fluttering around my head. Shutting my laptop on Friday post my final call of the day, it was with great calm + an internal ease I am not so familiar with that I got Winston (our fur baby) ready with his lead, popped my new BOOK into my tote (this STABLE one I’m loving) + without hesitation my legs somehow got me to the park where I seemed called to sit under a tree + actually relax to read my book. I understand this might seem incredibly basic + perhaps you’re thinking, wow this chick is so weird but for someone who’s monkey mind is in constant sh*t-chat at me that I should be doing this, that or the other, being productive at all times of the day, I found myself somewhat astonished at the level of ease with which I’d gotten there + was actually very much presently there. It was without the usual guilt or self-accusations of idleness in doing something simply for myself that I guess caught me off guard. The inner tranquility I experienced really rooted me in the moment + I found myself wondering how on earth I’d arrived at this sort of serenity on a random Friday evening. A lot of things is the answer. It’s the compilation of a whole host of varying things I’ve been doing (or working to let go of doing) that brought me to that momentary inner peace, all of which I aim to explore more openly with you here. To know this peace in the simple things, to me, is to know happiness. And it reminds me of the idea shared with me by my coach from New York around ‘blissful presence’. Isn’t that what it means to truly be alive, to be blissfully present in this moment? Friday evening definitely made me think so.

It feels as though I have to in some way round this post off in a particular way or add in some links to things I’m loving or what’s on my Wishlist but for this month, just the above alone feels correct. This series is where, as I said, I can step into my explorative self as a writer + be the person I am in whatever that looks like at any given time. And plus, this very much challenges in me my inner critic that tells me something has to be perfect for me to begin. Well here I am, imperfect but starting.

What would you begin if the illusion of perfect didn’t exist?